Goodbye Casper — On Loss, Guilt & Never Giving Up

One thing about having so many animals is there are going to be more losses than if someone had only a couple pets. Each pet that passes away is just as hard as the last and will be just as hard as the next. Truth is no matter how much you prepare yourself for a loss it does not help the emptiness and the questions you ask yourself — WHAT DID I DO WRONG, WAS IT ME, WAS IT SOMETHING I DID, COULD I HAVE HELPED SOONER, etc.. But honestly you can do everything correct and it's still just their time.

Last night my handsome Betta Casper passed away. We only had him a couple months and the past couple days he was acting off. I did everything I could to make him comfortable, fix the water if that was what was wrong, and in the end he passed away. I have since learned that the albino, silver and white among a lot of other morphs are overbred to get their colors and it can almost always lead to organ failure that was probably already happening when I got him. "I am so sorry little one, the system failed you."

Now his tank sits empty, and I question if I should get another or give up having bettas. I have wanted one for a long time, I love them and it just breaks my heart to know there was nothing I could do to save him. I do have other fish tanks and an indoor pond that are doing amazing that I've had going for a lot longer so I know in my heart it wasn't me, but still I can't help going over those questions.

What do we do with the little guys that pass away? Depending on what the animal is we either bury them and say our goodbyes, or there is a patch of grass/moss/plants in our front yard we do not mow — we let it overgrow for the isopods, slugs, snails, spiders and anything else that wants to take refuge in the area. We take some of the tinier animals and place them there where mother nature can take it back in a natural way (burying them will do the same). Millipedes, tiny aquatic frogs, vampire crabs, hissing roaches, etc. we place there and shortly after you will see all kinds of life come and help clean it up.

As much as it makes me feel terrible and as though it is my fault — even though I know it was not — I would like to try again, and this time do more research on what one to get. From what I gather, getting an all blue or all red betta is the best choice as they are naturally that color and not overbred for it, so they live longer and healthier lives. The tank will probably sit for a week or so before I go find another, but just like anything, even if it was my fault we learn from our mistakes — even from not knowing that the type I got often has a shortened life span. What I can say is I gave him a wonderful life while I had him. He had a beautiful tank, healthy food, and less stress up to the end.

Never just give up is what I'm saying. We all have to learn one way or another. If you ever find yourself in a situation like this and you take it to the internet, do not let anyone run you down because they think they know everything. I see a lot of online groups that do this when all you wanted was some help. We all start somewhere and even the most well known keepers mess up once in a while — it is human.

Here are some photos of the outside little patch where we place some of our animals that have passed away.

 

Goodbye little one!!